Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
