he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
