READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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