I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
