five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
