All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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