i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize