i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
