I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
