Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
