My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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