just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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