Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you win again, gameday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
