I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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