I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
