theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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