I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need moral support for this bender
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
