we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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