I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
