I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Randomize
