I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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