i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
