erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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