you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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