is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
