i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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