when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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