When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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