You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
