on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
