A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
