then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
