he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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