Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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