mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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