You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
