I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
