drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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