I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
