She's JV to your varsity
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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