ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
