just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
