What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
