I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
