But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
