I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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