I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
