So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
