Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
