when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize