17 year olds will be the death of me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My vagina is officially offended.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
