If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
