I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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