I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
