I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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