When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
