if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
