Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
