Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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