i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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