"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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