Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
