i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
