I'm jealous of your bromance
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
