well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
