Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
