Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
