i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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