Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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