I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize