I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize