Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
