I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
