Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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