It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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