oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
