id be glad to
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
